Sunday, September 30, 2007

I've Got A Bad Case of Lovin' You

Here is some nursing school gossip that you didn't hear from me, okay?

One of my classmates is getting a divorce because her husband is pressuring her to quit nursing school because, get this: he is afraid that once she's a nurse, she'll dump him and marry a doctor.

Holy 1953, Batman. You mean, once she gets out of the house, has her own money and *GASP* unchaperoned access to men she won't be able to control herself? There's no time to waste! Take away her credit cards, her driver's license, her right to vote, her brain, put a skirt on her and wipe that make-up off her face. What's that? A packet of birth control pills! Here, get rid of 'em, quick. If we let this woman control if and when she gets pregnant she'll be screwing everyone left and right. All birth control pills do is turn women into whores.*

*My very own grandmother said this to me.

We're a long way from Seneca Falls and I don't mean to get up on my feminist soapbox, but WTF? If I wanted to marry a doctor, why would I bother with nursing school? Couldn't I just join a country club or a medical society? Couldn't I ask my friends and family to introduce me around? Couldn't I go to E-Harmony.com?

I usually have an issue with medical TV shows, not because of the accuracy or lack of it, but the unreality of being able to stand around and BS with my peeps. That and I cannot fathom a hospital being okay with already overburdended staff taking care of dogs, chimps and Bambi. But lately I've noticed they've got one thing right. Doctors don't date nurses; they date other doctors. So really, if I want to improve my chances of hooking up with McDreamy, wouldn't it better if I went to medical school? "Ah my darling, listen closely and you'll hear my heart; even closer and you'll hear the Kreb's cycle."

Obviously the issue is more about him and how his own insecurities about himself. He thinks he isn't good enough for her, and makes her suffer for it. It doesn't matter what she does; he'll always try keeping her one step behind him, one level below him. I think she should dump him for being a Neanderthal. Everyone knows that they shouldn't interbreed with Cro-Magnons anyway.

I suppose it still happens that women do try and snag a doctor. I guess it's the money and all; but nowadays most women have their own money. They don't have to marry a doctor to get it. As I see it, the benefit of marrying a doctor for his money is that he's never home. While he's out on-call I could watch whatever I want on television and have a cold hot dog and some Tang for dinner. You have to work on Christmas AGAIN! That's okay. I can sit around in my pajamas all day and watch movies. Besides I can't stand your parents anyway.

But by far the best reason I heard for this being a ridiculous idea came from our clinical instructor. She listened to my classmate's frustration and obvious pain over being accused of wanting to marry a doctor. She let out a small chuckle and said "has he SEEN some of these doctors?"

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